When second year exams finally came to an end, three uni girls jetted off to Albufeira, Portugal, for 5 nights of debauchery, dancing, and drinking. It was my first ever girls’ holiday and I was beyond excited. We bypassed the tacky t-shirts with our nicknames printed across the back, and squeezed our bikinis in to one suitcase between the three of us (all we could afford).
The joke that began in the Euro exchange shop and ran all holiday long was that we were in Tenerife, not Portugal, as I kept insisting to people that I was going to Tenerife. Cue all three of us screaming, “WHAT??!! I thought we were going to Tenerife!” when the pilot announced our destination. Here are a few things that happened when D, C and Char went on tour.
- Almost got sold to the sex trade in a male/female strip club. More on this, and my success in ticking off an item on my Bucket List, in a later post.
- Got 24 free drinks EACH on our first night, by taking advantage of the deals from PR people in the old town, and C taking off her knickers. “So, do you want me to just wave them in the air or…?”
- C and Char ended up behind the bar with a barman who said his name was Sean D’ Paul.
- Buddied up with an Irish stag do and went back to their hotel to carry on drinking when the strip closed for the night, but on arrival we had to beg the receptionist to let us in. Why we didn’t look at each other and say, “This is so embarrassing, let’s get outta here”, I really don’t know. Shouted my name and room number for a while at him, telling him we were staying at a hotel just along the road. He then called our hotel to ask if we could stay out. When we got the go ahead, C and Char took pictures in the guys’ bath and I smashed a glass table.
- Discovered we were the only girls in Portugal. Seriously. There were however, a disproportionate amount of stag dos. They were so excited to see females that we got applauded whenever we walked in to a bar. Sometimes they even rang bells.
- We had been given tasks to complete by our flatmate, and we completed all of them. Results being Char dressed in a grass skirt and coconuts, screaming at a stag’s erection that was poking out at us through the blades of his grass skirt on the dance floor.
- C dislocated her shoulder falling off a bucking bronco, and we popped it back in then carried on with our night.
- Got split up on the first night so Char waited faithfully at our designated meeting point, not knowing the name of our hotel. D and C did not think to go there. So Char went to a club with new found friends and danced on a podium. Finally remembered the name of the hotel and arrived back to find the room door chained shut.
- D puked on the beach then had to go sit in the shade with Char because the sun was just too horrific for the hangover. While sat in the shade we got mistaken for prostitutes. Then I puked in a restaurant.
- Drank wine on the beach after dinner and got cat calls from eleven year old Portuguese boys. “Mini Milk! I love your p*ssy!”. Yes really.
Best holiday ever.