Dubai expat problems
1. When you battle the traffic on SZR only to arrive at your destination and discover it doesn’t have valet parking. The horror.
2. This conversation we’ve all had:
“Atlantis please, driver.”
“You know, one of the most famous hotels in the world? On the Palm?
“Sorry ma’am I’m new here, I don’t know it.”
3. Dubai Mall is too busy. Bloody tourists.
4. Why do they make it so easy to get a credit card?
5. Stalking the UberEATS driver to the point of obsession when you’re tracking your food arrival and the number of minutes increases. Then you have to phone him all like what are you doing, why have you stopped??
6. The Lambos outside your window are too noisy.
7. Despite all the gourmet cuisine you have at your disposal, sometimes you just need a bar of Dairy Milk – and it’s not the same here. When your stash runs out, it’s time to go home.
8. When you rock up at a bar with your girls only to be told that Ladies Night finished ten minutes ago. You mean we have to PAY for our own drinks? Eww.
9. When your Uber driver doesn’t have a phone charger OR any decent tunes.
10. Being called ‘Ma’am sir’.
11. Everyone at the office knows about your online shopping addiction because you don’t have your own PO Box.
12. The A380 Shower in Emirates First Class isn’t long enough.
13. The sun at Nikki Beach is too bright so you can’t be sure the Snapchat filter you’ve selected flatters your new lips.
14. You’re never actually in the sun so fake tan is still necessary.
15. When your Wi-Fi doesn’t quite reach the swimming pool.
16. You have visitors which means you have to go to the Fountain Show. Again.
17. Nobody will ping you the Entertainer voucher you need, or worse – you’re invited somewhere that doesn’t have any deals.
18. The lift takes too long to get to the 44th floor.
19. You drank so much at brunch that you’re now in bed. At 6pm.
20. You ate so much at brunch that you’re now in a food coma.
21. It’s so hot outside that you literally can’t even and your Armani foundation is melting off your face.
22. Everybody at home expects you to be loaded but you’re actually in massive debt because those hardship packages people used to get for moving here are now obsolete. Because it’s actually not that hard to live in Dubai these days.
23. Everybody at home also thinks you’re on a detox because you can’t drink in Dubai, right?
24. The gas station guy isn’t filling your monster car up fast enough.
25. Having to pay an extra 10AED for the maid to bring her own cleaning stuff.
26. The Dubai Stone.
27. Being unable to wear heels to various clubs / bars because of the sand.
28. You go home and nothing can quite compare. Like, this isn’t a hotel! Where’s the marble? The chandelier?
The struggle is real.
Dubai Princesses, us? Nah…